we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
