I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
