I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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