haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
