I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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