I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
