and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
