I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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