You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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