i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
