ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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