Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
