he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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