hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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