i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.