just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.