I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
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please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
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He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.