I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later