Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?