how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dating After Heartbreak
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF