I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.