I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
