What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
