Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Can I color on your dick again?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
