You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
