he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
