insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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