im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
