He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
