if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
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You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
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We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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