the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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