Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dignity is for republicans.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
