I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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