Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
