left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
