Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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