I think I died a long time ago.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize