Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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