HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
