He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
