apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize