Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
