Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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