i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You pole danced in your parka.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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