dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
