You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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