I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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