When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
