i think i have two assholes
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
nutella sex= disaster
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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