Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
