The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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