You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
