Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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