i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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