Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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