You just made me feel so damn special
You smell like stripper and shame
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
