Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Too much gin, very little bucket
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
