I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She told me I should be a condom model.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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