My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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