I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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