We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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