I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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