I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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