why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
