Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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