Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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