You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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